Hope on the Horizon

We took the kids to the park yesterday, and for some reason Sammy had it in his head that his daycare friends were going to be at the park, too. When I told him that they wouldn't be there, he said, "Well, maybe Nye will play with me instead."

And then, last night after we came home, Sammy said to Natalie, "Come on, Nye, let's go play in my room!"

Wow - could this be the beginning of a friendship?

(And an update - Sammy rarely hits, pushes, or otherwise bullies Natalie anymore! I can actually leave them alone in a room together for a couple of minutes without worrying about the consequences!)

Sibling Rivalry

I just finished reading Siblings Without Rivalry and I thought it was fantastic. There were a few no-nos that I have done with the kids, without realizing that they were no-nos. Labeling, for instance. I understand that unflattering labels aren't good, but I didn't realize that even flattering labels can cause damage. After reading the book, it makes perfect sense why that would be the case, but I honestly never thought about that before. An recent example of what not to do: a few days ago, I called Natalie "the caretaker", because of her love of stuffed animals and dolls, and also her newest hobby of helping people with their daily routines (brushing hair, washing in the tub, toothbrushing). Calling her a caretaker boxes her into that role, which she may not relish when she's older, but she will feel that she has to live up to that label. The other effect is that Sammy will think that role has already been filled, so there's no reason for him to show any caretaking behaviors. I'm probably not explaining it very well, but the book really was an eye-opener. There was only a small section that was directed towards parents of teenagers, but the rest of the book applies to kids of any age (and probably the younger, the better, since it's easier to start off on the right foot than it is to try to repair a damaged relationship later).

I think the things that I'm doing are making a difference already, although we still have our moments. A perfect example is last night. Sammy was hyper with tiredness (why? why do kids get hyper when they're tired, when I can hardly drag my butt off the couch?) and went tearing through the living room, as fast as he could run. When he passed Natalie, without breaking stride, he reached an arm out and grabbed her hand. This, of course, threw her off balance and she did a (very graceful, I might add) backwards flip. I guess all that getting pummeled by her brother has taught her to fall without getting hurt, because she didn't make a peep as she got back up and continued down the hall as if nothing had happened.

Other than that one incident, yesterday was a much better day. Sammy was back to his usual, pleasant-to-be-around self. I still don't know what was going on with him Wednesday, but I do have to say that I am quite proud of myself that I managed to keep it all together and not lose my temper with him. I always thought patience was an inborn trait, of which I had none, but I'm finding it's actually a learned skill. And who is a better teacher of patience than a two-year-old? I guess I should be thanking him.

Sibling Rivalry

It had seemed that I was able to trust Sam with Natalie more during the past week. Until this morning.

I was at work, but the word from my husband is that Sam got angry with Natalie for not cooperating with a game he wanted to play, so he purposely banged her head with the closet door. I haven't seen it yet, but the report is that she has a big goose-egg on her forehead.

This sort of thing has happened regularly since Natalie was born. Earlier, it happened unprovoked, out of jealousy, and that part seems to have resolved itself. But now that she's mobile, she will often take a toy away from Sam or get in his way when he's trying to do something, and then he retaliates with physical anger. I've been working on teaching him (what I think to be) the appropriate response - and at this point, that's "Mom/Dad, I need help" or "Mom/Dad, take Natalie away, please". Of course, when they get older, I plan to help them learn to work out their own issues, but I think they are both a bit too young for that at this point. My goal right now is only to keep everyone alive and well.

Sam seemed to be picking up on this. A few times in the last week, he has asked for assistance instead of reflexively belting her. Now he seems to be regressing.

I've heard a lot about a book called Siblings Without Rivalry, and that is next on my reading list. I'm afraid it's going to be geared towards older kids, though, and that it won't be helpful at all for really young children.

Has anyone else dealt with this? Any suggestions?

My fingers are crossed that the nice weather is finally here to stay. I decided to take a chance and start planting the garden yesterday. All I have done so far is two rows of peas. It's quite slow-going when you have a "helper" and a "fusser".

Natalie was ready for a nap, but Sammy was being too loud and she couldn't go to sleep, so I decided to bring her outside and hope for the best. I got her set up on her blanket with a boatload of toys, a binky, and a bottle. Then I hoed my row and showed Sammy how to plant the peas. He likes to dance to the beat of his own drummer, though, so instead of planting the peas in rows the way I showed him, he decided little piles of peas were better. Meaning, of course, that I had to follow behind him, stealthily picking up his peas without him seeing what I was doing, and replant them properly.

Since peas are one of his favorite vegetables, he then decided he wanted to eat some. I explained that they weren't good to eat yet; that we needed to plant them, wait for them to grow, and then we could eat them. He tried one anyway, and was decidedly unimpressed. He decided to go check out the woodpile instead.

While he was over there, Natalie started fussing. "I'll be right there, sweetie! I'm coming!" he called, and picked his way across the woodpile as quickly as he could. By the time I got my handful of peas planted, brushed the dirt off my hands, and got over to her, Sammy was helping her with her bottle. "Nye want her bottle," he informed me. Such a good helper. =)

After I finished covering the pea seeds with dirt, Sammy came over to inspect my work. "Peas ready to eat now?" he asked. If only it worked that way.

Next up: tomatoes and cucumbers. I think that will be as ambitious as I'm going to get this summer.

Natalie is sitting up pretty well these days, but she still does a lot of over-correcting. As long as she doesn’t get hurt, it’s pretty hilarious.

Over the weekend, I had her sitting on Sammy’s bed while I was putting clothes away. She and Sammy were both sitting there, looking at a book together. Well, mostly Sammy was looking at the book, and every time Natalie would try to touch it, Sammy would say, “No touch, Nye. My book.” and yank it away from her. But at least they were both occupied and no one was crying.

I turned around to see Natalie hanging headfirst off the bed. I lunged and grabbed her in time before the rest of her slid off. I had set her well away from the edge of the bed, but I always underestimate how long she is. She didn’t even seem to realize what had happened, so all was well.

That reminded me of something that happened when Sammy was around the same age. I set him on the floor in the hall outside the bathroom, and Anya came running over. That poor cat never did figure out that she was more likely to get her fur pulled by him than petted.

First, I need to explain the “fall-down” trick. Both of our cats were very good at this trick. It was one of the only two tricks in their repertoire – the other one being the “lie on the newspaper to get your human’s attention” trick. The fall-down trick involved me patting the floor, and the cat coming over and flopping down on top of my hand.

Sammy must have done something with his hand that reminded Anya of this trick. She put her head down on Sammy’s hand, and executed her trick flawlessly. Sammy went butt-over-teakettle backwards, cat on top of him.

I rushed into the hall, laughing so hard I couldn’t hardly catch a breath, and removed the cat so she wouldn’t end up clawing him as she tried to get off.

I wasn’t finished in the bathroom yet, so after sitting Sammy back up in the hall, I went back to the bathroom.

Along came Anya for round two. She sauntered past Sammy, twitching her tail in invitation – come on, you know you want to pet me was what she was thinking. Sammy was thinking, I wonder what will happen if I pull this? He reached out and grabbed her tail, and she tried to take off running. That was enough to yank Sammy out of his precarious sitting position, and he landed squarely on top of Anya. They called it even and went on to other pursuits.

Mother's little helper

Sammy loves to help out with his little sister.

Here, Natalie was fussing so Sammy brought her a few toys to play with. This picture was taken early on - by the time he was done, you couldn't hardly see her face behind the mound of stuffed animals. That white fuzzy thing is actually one of my cat slippers that Sammy dug out from the closet.

Here, he was "holding da baby".

And here he was "pumpa milk for da baby". He couldn't figure out why no milk was coming out.

Natalie was hungry as soon as we got home from daycare, so I went straight into the living room to nurse her, leaving my things in the kitchen. Before too long, I noticed Sammy nonchalantly heading for the kitchen. As soon as I heard the telltale sound of my purse zipper opening, I knew what he was into. “Sammy, what are you doing in my purse?” I said. He answered, “Looking at something.” “Okay…what are you looking at?” I said. He waited a moment before answering “Suckers.” Apparently he’d found the stash of suckers I keep in my purse for emergency bribes. I’m so glad he hasn’t yet figured out that telling the truth is not always in his best interests.

I can see that the two of them are going to be such trouble someday. They’re already becoming co-conspirators. I was doing the dishes, while Natalie was strapped in her high chair, and Sammy was at the kitchen table having a snack. When I heard Natalie start laughing, I turned around to see Sammy crawling on the table, trying to reach something I’d left there earlier. I told him to get down, and he did, but a second later he was again slyly trying to reach the desired toy while Natalie laughed him on. And there is nothing that boy likes better than attention, so the rest of the night he was playing up to her, trying to get her to laugh while she willingly obliged.